WASHINGTON – As it turns out, the U.S. campaign to bomb drug smuggling boats has forced traffickers to improve their processes with the help of a big 4 consultant.

The outcome has been the purest coke this side of the equator in decades, much to the benefit of addicts in the states.

“Really I love it. They need to keep it up!” Shouted one outside of a manhattan nightclub. “Bomb the boats bigger and better I say. I can’t get enough of it.”