DES MOINES – One Iowa farmer has pivoted his crop to a previously untested one in local agriculture: enriched uranium.

“Y’know once I read that the straight was all clogged up I knew it was time to act.” Daryl Byrd, 57, of Des Moines told us.

“It really ain’t too hard once you get into it,” Byrd says, “I had the fellas build a reactor and we’re churning.”

Byrd boasts to have only had a 50% fatality rate during construction. He says his lost friends would be proud to see the plant producing such important material for a foreign state.

The Des Moines branch of the Environmental Protection Agency could not be reached for comment.