WASHINGTON – U.S. Department of War officials announced today that they were above expectations in Iran.

“Turning a 3 week war into a 15 week war is impressive. That’s 500% more war per capita. Our ability to exceed expectations is unrivaled. There’s not even an end in sight.”

When we asked this official, who requested to remain anonymous, what he thought about the effects on the taxpayer sustaining such a long conflict, they advised “Who cares?”