CINCINNATI – A national grocery chain is following competitors footsteps and offshoring thousands of jobs.

The new CEO leading this layoff strategy was the previous CEO of a major competitor and did the same strategy, which experts have come to call “genuinely lacking in forethought” and “borderline criminal.”

“I, for one, think it’s a great idea.” The CEO told us. “I get over fifty million in stock incentives from the board if I can cut two thousand jobs. It is without a doubt the best move this company can make at this time.”